June 9, 2017

June 9, 2017

After securing a shocking victory in Britain’s snap election, vows to form unified government with James May and Joey from “Friends.” Ross remains “on a...
June 2, 2017

June 2, 2017

Helps daughter, aka Wonder Bean, construct DIY Lasso of Truth from 18 pairs of broken shoelaces, the hair of three Beanie Boos and a quart of gold glitter paint. Wonder Mama becomes truly...
May 24, 2017

May 24, 2017

Delivers “The People’s Noogie” to a cub reporter for the “Hawthorne (Elementary School) Gazette” claiming said reporter had an “obvious and longstanding bias” against 2% milk in the...
May 18, 2017

May 18, 2017

Releases results of a 28-year study proving that stock market volatility has, since 1962, mirrored the mood swings of a petulant ferret named Stubbs McFeely. Apple (AAPL) shares nosedive a couple bucks to...
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