Idle Chatter
The back-of-the-rag humor column for Chatter magazine.Very Superstitious
When you think of March, chances are you will think of St. Patrick’s Day. And if you think of St. Patrick’s Day, you’ll probably think of four-leaf clovers. And if you think of four-leaf clovers, you’ll undoubtedly start humming the funky keyboard intro to Stevie...
Breaking Up was Hard to Do
You know the phrase “unlucky in love”? If you’re single and of a certain age and named Tony V. (sorry, Tony), you’ve quite possibly heard it applied to yourself. Perhaps by an aunt or adopted Jewish mother. Perhaps by strangers on Instagram commenting on your vast...
O, USS Tannenbaum
As the rising tides of Yule commence breaking their whitecaps of nog upon the shores of discounted flat-screen TVs, I am moved to put down my Bartlett’s Guide to Less Familiar Metaphors and Idioms of Ill Repute, toss another copy of Kenny G’s “Miracles: The Holiday...
Interview with a Dead Guy – William Bradford: Weaver, Governor, Hat Buckler
As Thanksgiving and its attendant carbohydrates descend upon us, Chatter has once again hopped in the eBay-sourced DeLorean, fired up the flux capacitor and scared the bejeepers out of Michael J. Fox all in the name of Wolf Blitzer-level journalism (breathe) as we...
Spawndergarten
As I write this in late August, in the year of our Lord Vader 36, my eldest loinfruits, Gideon and Charlotte, have been official kindergarten students for two and a half weeks. So far, so good. Neither has relinquished their nascent grasps on Christianity to please...
A Plaque On Both Your Houses
Plagues. Can’t live with ’em, can’t enjoy a proper pharaoh smackdown without ’em. And while most of us are familiar with the Ten Plagues of Egypt chronicled in (no, not I or II Chronicles) Exodus chapters 5 – 11, few of us know why God chose these specific...
The Chatter Chat
This month, Chatter celebrates its 100th issue. Which is convenient since this happens to be Chatter’s 100th issue and there are mentions referencing said achievement plastered all over the very publication you’re reading. This level of synchronicity is actually rarer...
You Know, For Kids
Father’s Day is upon us. This, the 63rd most important of all our national holidays, is actually, from an official standpoint, just a few months older than your humble author. And while it may seem hard to believe that a scant 23 years have passed since President...
Busting the Blocks
In the olden days of 2002, the summer movie season began on Memorial Day Weekend with the release of what industry people (or wags, as industry people like to call other industry people since everyone owns Chihuahuas named Tiny) label "tent-pole," "franchise" or...
Twenty Years of Rollin’ with Wilford
Not the author. Yet.Ask people what they consider to be great comedy, and many will reference classic television sitcoms like "Seinfeld," "M*A*S*H" and "Alfred Hitchcock Presents." Others may instinctively spew forth lines from their favorite movies: "I'm not dead...