Stares into the middle distance.
Predicts six more years of nonstop jackassery after CNN anchor Chris Cuomo emerges from his COVID-19 mancave and sees his shadow.
Scoops CNN to reveal that China’s official COVID-19 spokescomrade is actually a WOPR-powered Magic 8 Ball.
Just because, tasers a Bernie Bro.
Stripped of British Open Championship title for failure to refer to the contest as “The Open Championship & Right Honorable Chip Shoppe.